Two weeks ago, I finally, finally finished a revision that’s been part of my life for months. I’ve done the two biggest revisions of my life in the last year or so, both for the same book. Thankfully I got my web serial project going in between for my own sanity, but I’ve essentially been revising for about a year. And before that… well, I actually can’t remember the last time I took a writing break. It’s been at least two years.
An actual break, I mean: no projects I’m supposed to be working on. No deadlines I need to start working toward.
So I’ve been taking one, and it’s been surreal.
First there was the realization of how burnt out I was, because it didn’t hit me like an introvert crash. I flailed about unable to remember what else to do with my time, because I didn’t especially feel like doing anything. Then I did remember, but still, the prospect of doing–hobbies, projects I’ve had on hold for months, anything–made me shy away hard.
More than anything, though, it was the realization that I didn’t know what I want to write next (sequel to the web serial excepted). It’s not a matter of ideas–I always have ideas–but of not being able to tell what excited me. My creative well was too dried up to be excited, and I’d lost my center.
I can’t write stories without starting from who I am.
So I started taking in media. Books, anime, long essays I haven’t had the bandwidth for for months or longer. Inserting ideas into my conscious mind so they can start percolating down, forming connections with other ideas for my subconscious to burble back up later.
And sometimes just sitting quietly with my thoughts, because private synthesis matters, too.
I refused to make myself to-do lists, but trying to do whatever I want when I can’t tell what I want is a special kind of maddening. I did accomplish things in the meantime (see: my completely reorganized library!), but it’s taken me almost two weeks to start feeling like a human again instead of just a stuffed sack of warmth. (Cats provide incentives to believe the latter.)
(Before! BOOK INVASION)
At any rate, I’m pulling the pieces of myself back together from where they’d floated off, and sometimes from the depths they need to be dragged back up from. Reminding myself who I am, and what I care about, and what I can do, what I’m going to do, with all that means.
So I just wanted to say a brief thank you, to friends and readers alike, for your patience as I get caught up (I am back to to-do lists and going through my backlog of messages and tasks, I promise). I hope to have more to share soon now that my brain is at last beginning to tick again.